


CORRUPT PERVERSION

by alizarin_nyc



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Community: lgbtfest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-03
Updated: 2009-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-07 00:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alizarin_nyc/pseuds/alizarin_nyc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"You thought I was going to confess to something worse than magic?"</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	CORRUPT PERVERSION

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the LGBTfest 2009, prompt: Merlin, Arthur/Merlin, Arthur struggles with his feelings for Merlin because homosexuality is no more acceptable than magic.

Merlin was quite sure he was going about this all the wrong way.

"A confession," he had said to Arthur. "Both as your manservant and also, I would like to think, as your friend. Something you need to know. I hope you will understand why I have not confessed it to you sooner." He was alone with Arthur in his chambers after the dinner service. Morgana was ill, Uther was away and for the past week, Arthur had insisted on spending his evenings alone in his rooms. Alone, except for Merlin. It was, Merlin thought, time.

Arthur was waving his hand magnanimously. "If this is about the cake, I know you were the one who stuck your finger in the decoration. I'm sure my father is over his embarrassment at court and has forgotten all about it."

"Arthur. Sire. This is quite serious. I wish you would please, for once, listen to what I have to say."

"Sorry, Merlin, sorry." Arthur straightened up in his chair, but didn't look very contrite. "Didn't realize... is it your mother? Gaius?"

"No. It's me."

"Ah, I see. You don't have to say anything. There's no need to confess what is private, it is completely your right to have some privacy." Arthur looked worried now, and Merlin wondered why he was acting a little strangely. He seemed determined not to hear Merlin out. This was not how Merlin had planned things at all.

"Look, Arthur, it's important. I can't go on being your manservant like this," he said, waving his hand between them. "That is, I would like to keep being your manservant, but I really have to clear the air and I do feel I can trust you. It's something you really need to know."

"All right then," Arthur said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. "I can see you're serious." He folded his hands and rested them on the table. Merlin poured him another cup of wine, which he thought one of them would surely need after this was over.

"I'm... I'm... it's just that," Merlin took a deep breath. "I'm a sorcerer."

"What?" Arthur sat up in his chair and knocked over the cup of wine. It spread like a stain over the table and dripped slowly down to the floor. Merlin didn't move. "That's it? That's your big secret?" Arthur looked rather relieved and Merlin was more than a little surprised. 

"Sire?"

"You have no idea," Arthur began. "Wait, a sorcerer? Are you mad? Don't you know my father will kill you? I could kill you myself."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Merlin scratched the back of his head. Arthur smiled. He was confusing the hell out of Merlin. "You're taking this seriously, right?"

"Yes, yes, it's very serious, of course. I'll want to see some proof. Can you turn yourself into a toad or something? But really, I _am_ relieved. I thought you were going to say something else."

"You thought I was going to confess to something worse than _magic_? I think you're the one that's gone mad, Arthur."

"You don't know, do you?" Arthur's eyes met Merlin's. He stood up and walked to the window. Merlin started mopping up the wine mess, but stopped when Arthur spoke again. "There's a terrible price to pay for sorcery, yes. A price I don't want you to have to pay, naturally. And I need to think about how to deal with that. But I thought you were going to confess to a particular sort of... immorality." Arthur turned around and Merlin saw his face was pale but the tips of his ears were turning pink. He dropped the cloth he'd been using to clean the table and stepped around it to face Arthur. His mind was spinning. What was Arthur talking about?

"What sort of... what did you think I..."

"Look, I thought you were going to admit that you prefer men to women. That you're gay."

"Um... and that's... that's obviously bad. Very bad. I see."

"I don't think you do see, Merlin. It's one thing to be accused of sorcery, quite another to be accused of corrupt perversion."

" _Corrupt perversion_ ," Merlin repeated. "Right. I'm afraid I still don't follow. This is Camelot, it's very... _modern_. There's that one place... I mean, I've heard about it, of course... about places where one might get an ale, and one might find..."

Arthur covered his ears. "For the love of.. stop! My father has people who prefer their own sex drawn and quartered. That's only after all the torture. You can't imagine."

"I'm starting to get the picture," Merlin stammered. Words were not his best friends right now. "And you thought that I... why?"

"Well." Arthur paused as if to ponder the question. "Your general demeanor, I suppose. That time you went around in Morgana's dress."

"That was for the Feast of Fools and you made me do it!"

Arthur stuck his chin out. "There was that whole business with your childhood sweetheart."

" _What_ childhood sweetheart?" Merlin was about ready to start shouting.

"I understood from things your mum said that you were sent away from the village because people started to suspect that you and Will..."

"They started to suspect my magical powers!" Merlin could feel his face starting to heat up. Part of it was surprised rage and part of it was shame; what he and Will had shared was no one else's business.

"Anyway," Arthur coughed awkwardly and began fidgeting. "It's your business. But this sorcery stuff is now _my_ business, thanks very much. Let's see some of this magic. I suppose Gaius taught you a few tricks and now you fancy yourself gone over to the dark side and in fear for your mortal soul."

"I am... I _was_ in fear of being beheaded!" Now Merlin was shouting. Between one thing and another he was getting a little upset. Uther's rules about magic were understandable in light of who he was, but to learn that he was willing to put even more of his own people to death for things done in privacy was a blow to his expectations. He wanted to believe in Uther's goodness. He didn't want to believe that Uther, and therefore probably Arthur too, could be so unjust.

"I'll protect your secret, Merlin. I'm not as hard-headed as my father, you know. I'm willing to hear you out. You must just promise me not to go tinkering with magic anymore. It's not a good hobby to have. Take up archery or something. Fencing perhaps."

" _Tinkering?_ You're such a..." Merlin's words for Arthur failed him and instead he raised his hand and shattered every plate on the table. Shards of pottery covered the chairs and dust settled in Arthur's hair. The remains of the dinner roast sat among the detritus and pomegranate seeds were everywhere, some sticking to the walls. Arthur's mouth was open slightly and he was silent. 

"You're such a _prat_ , sometimes, Arthur."

 

The castle went about its normal business in the days following Merlin's conversation with Arthur. A great feast was being prepared for Uther's return and for Morgana's improved health. Merlin was no longer Arthur's evening companion as Arthur's time was taken up with castle business and Merlin's tasks required him to be downstairs with the other servants more often than upstairs with Arthur.

But during the times that Merlin was present, he noticed Arthur staring at him. Frequently. Perhaps Arthur was weighing the pros and cons of having a sorcerer as a manservant.

Two days before Uther's return, Arthur informed everyone he would ride out on a hunt to bring back fresh meat for his father's feast. Everyone heartily approved of this gesture, and they were even more relieved that Arthur wished to do it alone, as the preparations were in urgent full swing. Merlin cursed his luck, tasked as he was with carrying all the hunting gear and preparations for a night in the forest. 

It was just as well, he thought, packing up the horses and breaking out in a sweat as the springtime sunshine struck his shoulders. He liked girls just fine, and if he was going to entertain thoughts of another man, that man would be a certain blond prince.

And that was positively, absolutely, unquestioningly, forever and ever, out of the question.

~*~

Arthur's thoughts were definitely not on the hunt. He'd missed three deer already, and his cursing had startled a flock of birds to flight, which in turn had started him, and he hadn't even gotten a single shot off. The trees seemed to shine green and gold and everything was infected by spring. Arthur stared at the back of Merlin's head as they trudged along and cursed it, too. He felt a cold chill, despite the heat. Merlin started whistling and Arthur shivered, something buzzed in his skull and traveled all the way down along his spine. Merlin had removed his neck kerchief and his over-large tunic hung down over his shoulderblades, leaving the pale curve of his neck bare.

The day's end could not come fast enough for Arthur. He dipped himself in an icy river and settled down on a cloth that Merlin spread out. Merlin was trying to start a fire and having very little luck. 

"Sometimes," Arthur said, apropos of nothing, "Men will do their bonding out in the forest, on hunting trips."

Merlin dropped the rock and flint he was holding. "Sire?"

"I was just saying that sometimes, men who lie with other men and don't want to be found out, use hunting trips to disguise their time together."

"Seems a shame to have to live that way," Merlin said softly.

"Yes, well, I wouldn't know, but I suppose it is for the best. Have you heard of Lyall the Raven?" Merlin shook his head. "He was a feared commander in my father's army. Long before I was born. They called him the Raven because he heralded his enemy's death. He killed great numbers and was loyal to my father. He meted out justice to any traitors and took offense at the slightest word said against the Pendragon name."

"Your father must have loved him dearly," Merlin said. He'd finally managed to light a small fire and his eyes were amber in the light as he listened to the story.

"Yes. He was prized for his skill in waging a campaign, as well as his strength." Arthur paused, but Merlin looked intrigued, so he continued. "They were encamped on a battlefield, preparing to move forward in the coming days. My father was very displeased one night to have to go searching for the Raven. He and the Raven often took long walks through the camp together at night to discuss strategy. He was keen to find him and so eventually, he did. In a soldier's tent, with the soldier fucking the Raven near senseless. Turned out that the brutal champion of Uther Pendragon was..." Arthur stopped.

"One of the corrupt perverse," Merlin finished.

"He was angry," Arthur continued. "He lost his temper and killed the soldier on the spot. As for the Raven - for Lyall of Woodbridge - he stripped him and bound him to a tree. For three days the man was left there for everyone to see. They insulted him, threw things at him; he nearly froze to death."

"So, clearly worse than the stocks then."

Arthur felt pained for a moment. He could see Merlin's face grow somber, his forehead creased. "Merlin, I'm sorry I ever did that to you."

"Yeah, you were quite the prat. But really, it's nothing. Finish the story."

"It's not a happy outcome," Arthur said. Merlin's fire was growing and it was warming his chilled hands. Merlin had put down cushions as well as the cloth, and he stretched his legs out. Merlin sat crosslegged near his feet. The light through the trees was fading and soon it would be just the two of them in the black, along with the ghosts of old stories.

"The Raven was given the chance to renounce his ways, to say that it had been a mistake, and then Uther would spare him and let him loose, to make his own way in the world. Clearly the men could no longer respect him as their commander. They had begun calling him Raven the Craven, and Uther couldn't bear the sight of him. The Raven refused to grovel, refused to renounce anything, said he'd loved the soldier and had only done what was right and natural before the gods. Uther became so angry that he beat the Raven. He ordered his men to tie one wrist each to two horses and then the horses were driven off. They dragged him for miles and..."

"Stop," Merlin said suddenly. "I can't hear anymore. You've made your point." The look on his face was one of anger, his lip was curled slightly in disgust. Arthur recoiled. 

"I thought..."

"You thought you'd remind me not to be gay. I understand. No sorcery, inasmuch as I can control it. Until it suits your purposes, I'm sure. And no acts of corrupt perversity. I can assure you, you have nothing to worry about."

"You thought I was telling you this for _your_ benefit?" Arthur edged forward, his hair slipping down into his eyes and he jerked his head back in sudden frustration. "You idiot. I didn't tell the story for you, Merlin, not everything is about you."

Merlin spluttered and shook his head. "If not as a warning for me, then..." His eyes widened. "You're telling me this story so I understand... what? You?"

"So I understand myself," Arthur said. He hadn't meant to say anything, to confess, as it were, something he wasn't completely sure about himself. He was tired, suddenly. Tired of talking. "To warn myself, maybe."

"Warn yourself of what? You're the Crown Prince of Camelot. You could be a sorcerer and it would hardly matter. Uther can't kill _you._ "

"My father's wrath, my own disgrace, the inability to properly rule, losing the respect of my subjects... you never believe me when I say there are worse things than death."

"And you never believe me when I say _not really_." Merlin gave him his best mulish look. 

"Look, what I'm saying here, is, you shared a secret with me that I must keep for you -- you trusted me with your life. I have now done the same. Merlin, I am trusting you with my life."

"You are, you really are... um... you prefer..."

"I prefer," Arthur said, getting to his knees and leaning toward Merlin. "I prefer what I prefer," he finished, leaning in all the way and catching Merlin's mouth in a kiss. For a moment Merlin seemed too stunned to react. Arthur thought perhaps he'd made the biggest blunder of his life. But as Crown Prince it was _assumed_ that everyone was a little bit, if not more, in love with him.

He needn't have worried after all, as Merlin surged up from his sitting position to curl his long, calloused fingers around Arthur's face and pull him deeper into the kiss, lips parting for Arthur's tongue. Arthur felt a sense of relief, to finally be able to wrap his arms around Merlin, to feel the fire-warmed rasp of his shirt, the strength of his lean limbs, the intoxicating depths of his mouth. He hadn't even known he'd wanted it so much until that moment.

Later, they collapsed together on the ground, exhausted from kissing, to sleep.

 

His father's feast was a great success. Arthur toasted the Pendragon name with an eloquence that was out of the ordinary for him, and the resulting cheers were nearly deafening. His father beamed with pride. Arthur kept the wine always at his lips to prevent his mind from wandering along the lines of _if he only knew what kind of a son I really am._ There was nothing he could do right now, and the feast was important for Uther and for Camelot. Morgana, pale but upright, sat at his side and her eyes glimmered with a watery sheen of pride.

When it was all over, he was passably drunk and in far too good a mood to go to bed. He hoped he and Merlin could talk a bit -- he'd seen his manservant taking some ale with the servants, so the possibility for good, cheerful company was likely. What he didn't expect was to turn to Merlin as they walked along the hallway, push him back into an alcove, and press his lips against Merlin's.

If he was going to behave like this, he might as well give up the throne right now.

~*~

The kiss started out slow, just dry lips pressed together, and that was enough, really. At first Merlin didn’t care about anything but the fact that Arthur was kissing him, and that they had gotten that far at least, once more. It was far enough to satisfy, but not so far that they couldn’t turn back. He tried to stamp down the feelings of fear that threatened to overtake the sensations Arthur was creating, but it was impossible. Arthur deepened the kiss and Merlin pulled back.

"Your room," he whispered. "Just down the hall."

Arthur nearly ran the rest of the way, pulling Merlin along by the hand. Merlin yanked his hand back, ducked inside and closed the door firmly behind them. Arthur had clearly lost his mind. "Arthur," he panted. "It’s not just _my_ life I’m worried about."

Arthur gripped his wrist, jerked him closer. "I’ll thank you to let me take care of myself. And you."

"You couldn’t stop your father from killing Gwen’s father," Merlin said. Arthur jerked harder at his wrist. Merlin didn't resist, his body gave in for him, and pressed itself up against Arthur's despite his protestations.

"You’re a powerful sorcerer, Merlin," Arthur said. "If I couldn’t persuade my father not to kill you, you could certainly save yourself. Plus, who’s to say we’re going to get caught?"

"Who's to say we're not? Just now... in the hallway?" Merlin's voice dropped to a whisper, as if the walls were listening in. "And when you get tired of me..."

"I'll frog-march you right out to the chopping block? Do you really think so little of me?" Arthur's lips twisted up into a smile and Merlin saw the flash of his canines. If he couldn't trust Arthur, well then, what was all that blather about Destiny good for? 

Arthur walked over to the fireplace and leaned against the mantle. He was playing at arrogance, but this was difficult, Merlin could see it. He could see the distress in Arthur's face. He could also see determination. "Don't do this, Arthur."

"I haven't done anything yet. But I'm thinking very seriously about it."

"You're playing with your own future. I think this is a terrible idea." Merlin could hear himself say the words, knew they were the right thing to say, but hated having to say them just the same.

~*~

Arthur hated hearing the words he knew he needed to hear. He leaned against the mantle and tried to gather his thoughts. It was difficult, given the amount of wine he'd had, and yet, he felt that he'd never been so clear-headed. It was as if a storm had blown away all the small, nagging voices in the back of his head that threatened to keep him from focusing on who he was.

And who he was, was the future _King._

"I am going to be King," he said, lifting his head.

"Exactly," Merlin said, wringing his hands like a fishwife. "Which is exactly why this is a bad idea. The forest... well, that was one thing. We were tired, we were both thinking about the Raven, it was just a silly boy's game. But attacking me in the hall..."

"Attacking you? I beg your pardon, I did no such thing."

"You attacked me, just now."

"Whatever, you were asking for it," Arthur said. He felt his confidence returning. He stood up straight and took a step toward Merlin. "Begging for it, even, with those eyes, those _lips_."

Merlin licked his lips. "Sire, that is utterly..."

"Utterly sinful, is what it is." Arthur took another step toward Merlin. "And as the Crown Prince of Camelot, as the future King, I demand satisfaction."

"We were talking about how this is not a good idea," Merlin said, edging slowly sideways, like a crab, as Arthur slowly advanced.

"As the future King, I think I should be the one to decide what is a good idea, and what is not." Arthur felt a little giddy. He knew he was being ridiculous. He knew he was likely to have trouble with this later on. Say tomorrow. He just didn't care. 

"What is the use of being the most powerful man in the kingdom if you can't have what you want?"

~*~

Merlin gaped. His heart started to race. "What you want. Really. Me?" He couldn't be blamed for having serious doubts.

"Yes. What I want." Arthur had closed the gap between them. "Tell me you don't want it and I won't say another word."

"I can't say that."

"Good." Arthur pulled him in again and Merlin simply turned his face up to meet the kiss. "Good, because I need you. I can't do this alone." 

Merlin didn't want him to do it alone, that much was certain. Maybe this was what the dragon had been talking about; all that crap about destiny and two sides of the coin had been a euphemism for Uther's corrupt perversity. The exact same corrupt perversity that was now, apparently, coming to pass. He could feel Arthur hard against his thigh. Arthur was pulling out the laces of his tunic, too, and Merlin was glad of it. He felt paralyzed, immobile, and so conflicted, he wasn't sure he could do anything at all, ever again.

Arthur stripped his tunic off, and then dove back in to kiss him again, pulling at Merlin's waist. "Come on, Merlin, what did I just say about not wanting to do things alone?"

Merlin found his wits and gripped Arthur's shoulders. "I've always wanted to know what your bed feels like," he said. "Take me there."

~*~

Arthur took Merlin to his bedroom and pushed him down on the bed. "Take off your clothes."

"Is that an order, Sire?" Merlin was mocking him again, and while that was surely a good sign, Merlin was _so_ going to regret it.

"Disobey me at your peril," he said. He unfastened his trousers and rid himself of boots, trousers and tunic, starting up in surprise as Merlin waved his hand and magically dispensed with his own boots and trousers. "That... _that_. Could come in handy."

"I knew you would see it as useful, eventually. Nevermind the many times I've saved your life with magic."

"You!" Arthur was going to have to keep his eye on this one. "Promise me you won't get caught, Merlin. Promise me." It came out sounding like a plea.

They were two of the most ridiculous people on earth, hanging about naked like this, about to commit _perversion_ , and yet still _talking._

"I promise to be completely discreet, Arthur. But only if you will promise to be discreet about this." Merlin raised his hand to Arthur's shoulder and slowly stroked down his bicep. Arthur shivered. 

"I will do whatever I need to do to keep you safe," he said. "To keep things intact. I promise I will only be reckless in the privacy of my rooms... or the forest, from now on." And with that, he pressed Merlin down to the bed. "Now, no more talking."

"And when you're King?" Merlin said, clearly disregarding Arthur's order for silence.

"When I'm King, I'll be King. Help me have the strength to be my own man."

Merlin flipped him over and kissed his way down Arthur's neck, to his chest. Arthur surged up against him, wanting everything all at once. Merlin held him down, grinned into his face like a maniac.

"To be your own man. That is, when you're not being mine."

What Arthur did to him after that, and then again after that, was no one's business but theirs.


End file.
